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It’s not their fault and it’s not yours either, but they have become accustomed to you in a certain way and they may still have an expectation or *need* for you to be that way. Take a deep breath, you’ve got this!

You have to show them who you are now by being who you are now. This is not a sign post to tell you that you’ve gone the wrong way… quite the opposite. It signifies that YOU HAVE CHANGED (well done!!!) and that you are making changes that better support you. This is huge!! All the hard work is starting pay off. Even though it might not totally feel like it just yet! Keep it up. Keep showing up for you.

They are going to need some more time and space to adapt.

Another great opportunity for you to strengthen your boundaries and strengthen your self prioritisation.

No doubt, it might feel hurtful as they expect your former patterns and send you uncomfortable reactions that sting. Be patient and drop out of taking it personally. That’s their shite. You bring the focus back to you. Most likely, your strength to change is challenging them and making them uncomfortable. That’s ok. You keep doing you anyway.

They also might feel a little lost, they don’t know how to move with your changes yet, because really you are still figuring out new you too. And that’s ok too.

So go easy on them,
and go softly and lovingly on yourself.

Focus back on you.

Maybe…
they are not noticing the fierce new commitments you are embodying…
they are not seeing the evolution in you…
they are not accounting for all the little consistent actions of greatness that you’re doing…
they are not acknowledging your improvements..
it sucks.
No, it really sucks. I get it.

BUT there is a golden lining. When if feels your hard work is going unnoticed
but therein lies the sparkle…

Why do you need their approval anyway?

Where’s the freedom in drowning in everyone else’s expectations?

Where’s the happiness in not going after the life you really, really want?

You’re doing this for you.

Focus back on you.

It’s not your job to take on their shit.
It’s not your job to soften their landing.
It’s not your job to strengthen their passage.

Your job is be your greatest you,
AND YOU’RE DOING IT.

Just do you.

When you rise, you give them the opportunity to rise too.

They will either rise to meet you in new magnificent ways…
or drop away,
or maybe drop away for a while…

so they too can have S P A C E
to change to come back in their own way.

Just like you have done.

You do you.

Love what you do
and do what you LOVE.

Do you?

What S P A C E can you create for yourself this week
to DO MORE OF YOU
to DO MORE OF WHAT YOU LOVE?

Focus back on you.

To supporting you,
Heidi

P.S. What S P A C E can you create for yourself this week to DO MORE OF YOU, to DO MORE OF WHAT YOU LOVE?

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Do you feel that your mind is in control of you?
Or
Are you in control of your mind?

To figure out who’s in the driver’s seat, we need to bring a little space to your thoughts.

Intentional slow breathing is the gateway.
Breathe deeply in (mouth closed) for 4 counts,
breathe deeply out (mouth closed) for 4 counts. Repeat 8 times.

When you bring some awareness, a new perspective to your thoughts can formulate.

Let’s ask your mind some important questions…

What should you be doing now? 

Write down your answers.

Next, finish the following sentences:

I should BE…
I should OWN…
I should DO…
I should LIVE…
i should HAVE…

Now, can you tell if you, your heart or your mind is in control?

Can you see how harsh and critical you are being of yourself?

Can you see how you are judging yourself?

When you hold yourself hostage to a “should” you are telling yourself

“you’re not good enough”
“you’re not doing enough”
“you’ve failed”
“your wrong”.

In my experience, these “shoulds”, the accusing and pernicious voices in our head, originate in childhood and adolescence. Perhaps it’s something that an adult said to you as a child, and since children are innately sensitive and narcissistic, meaning, they self-internalise the accusation or the emotional environment from their own self perspective (it’s the only perspective they comprehend), and therefore, they incipient an emotional coping mechanism.

Can you think of times in your early childhood, childhood and adolescence when someone said something hurtful? Probably after that, you started saying it more and more to yourself, adopting it as a voice in your head and believing it. And then, you behaved accordingly. Or perhaps, you grew up in a stressful or emotionally distressing environment, and therefore internalised the situation. An example of an emotional coping mechanism would be if you tried to please everyone or tried to make everyone feel better. Queue… putting everyone ahead of your own needs as adult, doing only what’s expected of you, or becoming emotionally unavailable in the adult relationships in your life.

This is where the PATTERN develops from an emotional incident or many emotional experience of the same kind.  Meaning, that you keep repeating this same emotional response and behaviour in adulthood.

This is what I would call “destructive programming”, which is the set of beliefs adapted through coping mechanisms adopted as a child, which have now elaborated into modus operandi, in other words, which have, for the most part unconsciously, become established repetitive adult behaviour.

It’s thoughts that have been “programmed” into your psyche through a combination of personal belief, personal emotional response and repetition.

 The way we we were treated when we were young, is the way we learned how to treat ourselves, and therefore is the way we still treat ourselves now.

It’s compulsory to underline that dissolving emotional and behavioural patterns is NOT an opportunity to blame your family/relatives/guardians/friends. It’s an opportunity for deep self relfelection, self compassion and self healting. The people in your life, most likely, did not intend to hurt you, they just didn’t have better tools for themselves at the time, and were doing what was done to them, and were repeating their own destructive programming which originated from the pain in their own upbringing.

Many of these patterns developed early in life through our environment. That’s not to say your childhood was bad or wrong, but most likely you went through some painful experiences. Now, how you live as an adult, you have outgrown the old patterns, yet you are still living the former patterns (subconsciously) which is creating chaos in your life.

Would you like to stop destructing your potential with your own thoughts?

Would you like to have a space to really listen to yourself, to gain a better understanding of yourself, so you can figure out how to create new thinking patterns that are true to who you are now?

Let’s get the foundation right.

I’m interested in getting to the root of the pain, anxiety, illness from an emotional-bio-social-psycho-spiritual perspective, so that we can uproot it, till the soil, plant new seeds and strategise a new growth (watering/nurturing/trimming) plan. It is spring time after all!

“Working with you is like spring cleaning my psyche” is how one client put it this week, and I particularly like the comment, as I am throughly enjoying the Berlin blossoms this week.

I am here to work with people who want to enquire deeply into your unique, natural bio-physiology and neurophysiology. I am not interested in finding something external to “fix” you.
I’m interested in your internal landscape; where we will look at

• what is your body communicating to you,
• what is your mind communicating to you and 
• what result this is having on you, your health and happiness (aka reengineer the subconscious patterns creating pain, illness and anxiety).

You can book your session here, and in the meantime, take a few moments to complete the “shoulds” exercise. It might be the revelation you’ve been seeking this week!

To supporting you,
Heidi

P.S For all the professionals with busy work weeks… I work Saturdays. Book your session here.

The post Are you in control of your mind or is your mind in control of you? appeared first on Heidi Lidholm | Be More You. Grow Through Every Challenge..

Most lessons are learned in relationships through balancing giving and receiving, holding and releasing, allowing and boundaries, letting in and letting go. 

Therefore, an integral, yet challenging, consistent theme throughout everyone’s life is relationships.

According to conscious and mystical philosophy, every person shows up in your life to help you progress your personal evolution. Meaning, people appear according to the current beliefs, behaviours and patterns you are conducting (living), which means your experiences with them move you along your journey.

Navigating relationships with loved ones and of course, with numero uno, yourself, is a skill we will forever hone throughout life. What I have found across the board with clients is that the most challenging life transitions involve one or more relationships.

When the most painful aspects of our relationships come up for review, it’s not necessarily a bad thing. Yes it is painful and difficult and disruptive, but if you can get some perspective and distance on what’s going on (working with a intuitive coach/healer can help you with this), you can begin to see that the disruption is happening for your own progression. It’s not happening to punish you or make you think like you made the wrong decisions, it’s happening to help you reset a pattern, and most likely a pattern with yourself and then, subsequently, with your loved one(s).

Moving though the relationship challenge will graduate you to the next chapter of your journey. Whether the person and relationship remains in your life will depend on the circumstances. Either way, change is change. Change requires something different to emerge, be it within the relationship or making space for a new relationship to come your way.

Take a moment to reflect on your most recent (painful) interactions with your loved one(s). Fill in the blanks below to help you to gain insight on the bigger picture at play and also how you can best handle the situation should it arise again. This refelection will take a few minutes but could save you weeks, maybe months in the future!

When [massive painful cat-out-of-the-bag-razor-sharp-claws-bust-up-happened], at first, …

I felt…

I reacted…

Then I got relief, when I….
and….

I feel resolution when….

I can see the old pattern was…

I understand I can reset the new pattern by…

I now know I always can…

Well done for taking a few minutes to do the work. You and your closest relationships are worth it!!

I hope this brings you fresh insight and a grounded sense of how YOU can navigate a similar disruption in the future. If something came up for you, which you feel like sharing or you feel would serve a member of the community, please leave your thoughts in the comment below.

To supporting you!

Sat Chit Ananda,
Heidi

Photo by Everton Vila on Unsplash

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Anxiety is real and social anxiety can be crippling when you don’t have tools and a game plan to win over the condemning voices and scenarios playing out in your head. Beating anxiety does not result from beating yourself up over how uncomfortable you feel and wishing you could be different. You are who you are and more people than you realize are eagerly waiting to spend time with you. This year your social ship doesn’t have to sink like last year or leave you drowning in sinking feelings long after the event is over. Being proactive in your positivity and in your interactions can turn an otherwise emotionally disruptive event into an enjoyable and memorable one.
You, neuf points ~ Your anxiety – 0 points.

Here’s how you can defeat social anxiety with a big smile on your face:

1. SAY LESS, LISTEN MORE

If the relentless repeat of reeling off your year’s activities, accomplishments and conquests floods you with high density anxiety, know that if you can’t avoid the situation entirely, you can always deflect. Keep the big mouth talking about themselves. Just keep turning the questions back at them. They’ll revel in the glorious attention, overruling the fact that they have no new scoop on you, yet when you cross their mind, they’ll be filled with warm thoughts… remember, people will forget your name and forget what you said, but they never forget how you make them feel.

2. OPTIC LIBERATION

When you start spiralling into thinking of how sitting in family situations makes you feel uncomfortable and awkward in their company… what if you were completely liberated of these feelings? See yourself sitting in the situation and instead of the discomfort… what does it look like when you play out the scenario where you feel comfortable, what does it look like when you’re laughing, when you’re happy? Get some details dialled in on the “what ifs”. What if I really enjoyed myself this year, what if I showed people my sense of humour this year, what if I sparked happiness in others this year… Imagine the new scenario, visualise it, feel it… what unfolds may surprise you!

3. GAME TIME

Make a decision to not entertain your own unhappy and heavy thoughts that most likely originate from the past. Let’s say you know your mum is going to push your buttons. You could decide to play a game with yourself, where you take each interaction as a challenge with her as a game :
you get +2 points for reacting in a new/different way,
you get -3 for every time you respond with a brash/defensive/mean/snappy reaction (most likely similar to an old interaction from the past).
The aim of the game is to start becoming more aware of your responses, and then responding in a fresh n’ different way. Game on.

4. PEACE MANTRA

Peace begins and ends with you. What would it take to be peace? Real peace. Open arms, compassionate, unconditional peace? It’s a tricky one. Conflicting nations are not at war because peace is easy. Peace is vulnerable, peace is innocence, peace is letting go. When I find myself getting caught up in troubling thoughts from the past and I can’t get my stubborn (oh so stubborn) self to be the peace, I pull my emergency exit handle. I repeat the mantra:
‘light release my illusions to love’.
Before I know it, with very little physical effort on my part, the situation has dissipated and I’m smiling amid an easier conversation.

5. THIS TOO SHALL PASS

Fortunately, this most wonderful time of the year only happens annually. Whatever the engagement may be, from a couple of hours to a few days, know that there is an expiration date, and soon you will get to return to your own personal schedule. Sometimes, remembering that you’ll be out the gap in two hours or that you won’t have to see the fellow eventees for another 12 months is enough to release tension and smash a smile on your face.

6. NO IS A COMPLETE SENTENCE

It’s ok to say “No”. You’ve got to take care of number 1 (you) ahead of everyone and everything else. If you don’t want to attend the dinner, if you don’t want to connect with someone, then stand your ground and be ok with saying “No.” It doesn’t mean you’re being anti-social or self destructive, saying “No” is most uncomfortable when you’re asserting new boundaries. Be responsible with your emotions and your choices.

8. SNIFF THE WHIFF

Olfactory memory refers to the recollection of scents. Psychologists are quick to relay that our sense of smell is closely linked with memory, probably more so than any of our other senses. Those with full olfactory function only need to think of smells to evoke particular memories. Could it be that all you have to do to dissipate a strong emotional charge from a situation is alter what you are smelling? I find that lighting incense or a naturally scented candle or using an oil diffuser can transform the mood of an entire room. When I go to a new destination or embark on a new adventure, I normally begin a new scent so that in times of challenge (or in daily life transitions), I use the scent to help me reset my emotions to allow good thoughts to flush in. In the case of your party season survival kit, you could choose a scent which smells refreshing and uplifting to you… perhaps try lemon or eucalyptus or cedarwood or jasmine …and before the event or anytime during it, dab a couple drops on your wrist, hold your wrists up to nose and take at least 3 long inhales and exhales.

9. INCREASE SNOOZE TIME

Increasing the number of hours you sleep and decreasing your intake of sugar and alcohol are the pillars of stress management, which of course you know, but at this time of year, these deserve an extra-special shout out. Operating on little to no sleep will cause higher sensitivities to people (especially family) and their reactions. Two major inhibitors to deep sleep, taken together, separately and especially before bed, are alcohol and sugar. You can trick yourself into thinking that that nightcap will help you sleep better. But do you know what gives you the best deep sleep? More deep sleep. It’s the steps you take before bed that set you up on a posititve and emotionally strong foot for the next day.
Decide what time is “lights out” for you, no screens 1-2 hours before bed, no food 1-2 hours before bed, only water or chamomile tea 1-2 hours before bed. What if you decided to gift yourself an hour in bed every evening just to snuggle up with yourself?
It’s the simplest stuff that makes the biggest difference. Snuggle up.

How have you been feeling during this festive season? If anxiety been creeping up on you, could implementing 1 (or all) or the above help you break free? Share in the comments which of the 9 you’re going to try out before the end of 2018!

Sat Chit Ananda,

Heidi

Image source:  Jeremy Bishop, https://unsplash.com/photos/KputBgWH-Ek

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remove self-doubt.

But.. how?

First of all, when your wheels are spinning, spinning them faster may seem like it will get you to your success quicker, but the truth is.. spinning faster, and presuming you can just keep spinning faster and faster and faster… will lead to burnout.

Burnout is the opposite of success and sooo much more challenging to rebuild your wealth and health from exhaustion and overexertion.

First, stop, drop and TIME-OUT.

Sit in a quiet place, out in nature, or even, exactly where you are.

• Take 3 long (longer!!) deep breaths.
• Put your hand over your belly button.
  Take 3 long (longer!!) deep breaths again, this time, breathing into your belly where your hand is. This is your power center, otherwise known as your solar plexus.
  Your solar plexus is the home of your intuition… that gut feeling!!
  Connect with yourself in this place.
• If you have time, put on some music and continue breathing for as long or as little you like.

Here’s how to BUST 6 Success Blocks with SUCCESS REMEDIES that have been PROVEN to reroute your path!

SUCCESS BLOCK 1: Overwhelm
You have so many ideas and plans, but you don’t know where to start. Which idea do I run with?

How do I do all that I need to do today?

Should I be focusing on a marketing strategy or creating something new or client communication?

Instagram or Snapchat or both?

Am I doing too much or too little?

SUCCESS REMEDY 1: CLARITY

>> You want clarity. Believe me, you can fast track ALL your internal BS right now. Clarity will only come through ACTION.

Park the voices, the what ifs, the doubts for 10 minutes and take 1 action, however, small. Now take 1 more small action. And be ok with that 1 small action. Walk away. Think about where more that or less of that will take you? That’s clarity. Did you enjoy the action? Is it worth keeping or time to disregard and go another route? You don’t need to do everything at once, or to do it all today.

One small action will give you clarity for the next step. 

SUCCESS BLOCK 2: Floundering
Are you spinning your focus into a tangle between what you’re good at (what you get paid to do) and what you really truly WANT to do?

One business/profession brings in the majority of your income and the other, the one… that thing you’re lusting over doing, but seems so uncertain.

And so you circle around feeling a resentment to what pays you, as you yearn for what creatively feeds you…

I hate this industry but I love the money, I love this part of my job, but if I wish this was different… can I do both???

SUCCESS REMEDY 2: INCUBATION

It’s easier than you think to get where you want and to change your business/profession… BUT the only way to get to a new place is to do YOUR VERY BEST at what you’re doing for another 1-3 years.

Map it out and go BIG and GO WIDE. When you knuckle down and focus for 3 years on what’s paying and what you’re good at… and in the meantime, you begin to do more of the activity/skill of what you want to move towards in your spare time. You win!! Use the foundation you have laid now, to build the bridge and make a smooth, strong transition into where you want to be.

The real key here: get practical on how much money you need to do the passion work full time, and set a cut-off date when the supporting role job must end. BOOM! Nothing to fear as you dive into your vocation because you have been concurrently laying a comfy foundation.

SUCCESS BLOCK 3. Frazzled
Stressed out by over-analyzing, over-worrying, over-contemplating what worked and didn’t work? Do you need to be doing more? How can you make more money Make more time??

Maybe it’s your body that is showing you that you are stressed with a skin rash, break-out, muscle tension, joint pain?

SUCCESS REMEDY 3: Let go of the past. REST.

Rest. Restoration is what is required. More sleep and downtime than you even perceive possible is what’s required. It’s time to leave the past in the past. Perhaps this requires performing your own clearing ritual or you may want to book a session with me to identity the root, where you can dissolve it and resolve it by reformatting the pattern (similar to rebooting your laptop, or giving yourself a system upgrade) into one that is constructive and beneficial in your life. Give yourself permission to BE YOU exactly as you in this moment. Give yourself permission to love your life.

SUCCESS BLOCK 4: Frustration
Sometimes we simply just want to pull our hair out. Sometimes it’s not that we have taken on too much or that we aren’t doing enough, sometimes we feel so much pressure to be ourselves and life is just damn challenging.

Normally when we’re under pressure, the only way to alleviate ourselves is to release and remove the pressure. Easier said, then done. As Einstein told us, you can’t solve the problem with the same energy that created it. Therefore, what is required is CHANGE.

Give yourself permission to change your mind.

SUCCESS REMEDY 4: Change your mind

This is where it’s important to be an INVITATION to change. We all want “change” when shit has hit the fan or when we’ve collapsed or are in pain/rage or when we’ve made a decision, or followed through on an action… but that’s only the BREAKTHROUGH.

Change comes long after the breakthrough, change is the development, step by step, day by day, and moment to moment.

Change is taking a different continuous action to reset, and eventually completely dissolve the former habit.

As you allow the change, and action the change, when in times of anguish and doubt (they will show up, we all feel it) you can always welcome serenity into your arena. Serenity is surrendering, remembering that you don’t need to control the change, as much as you must allow the change. You’ve got this!

SUCCESS BLOCK 5: (OVER) Ambitious
You have BIG DREAMS and goals. You work hard to play harder. You’re SO busy achieving, you’re wondering did you set your sights high enough??? Keep going. The best things come to those who wait, and specifically to those to think in terms of the LONG GAME.
Patience, my dear.

SUCCESS REMEDY 5: PATIENCE

If patience seems like the worst possible thing you could do right now… it’s because it’s the medicine you need the MOST right now.

Look to nature, life happens in cycles, and seeds need time, nourishment, light, nurturing to grow, blossom, die and sprout again.

Look to pregnancy, it takes 9 months to birth a baby, 3 very different trimesters in order for your body to be ready to develop life and for you to figure out how you’re going to deal with that life when it emerges.

Perhaps think about it less like patience, and more MAINTENANCE.

Make a 12 month SIMPLE-AS-POSSIBLE activity-orientated, joy-centered, goal-intended action PLAN. Step by step. Long game.

SUCCESS BLOCK 6: Zero Accountability
If the tree fell in the forest but nobody saw the tree fall, did the tree still fall in the forest?

So… you think you have to do it all yourself, that no one will understand and that if you share your struggle you’ll be judged.

I know you have the best of intentions but how can you soar if you’re carrying the world on your shoulders?

There are people around you who are interested in what you’re interested in, and are interested in supporting your pursuit in doing what’s important to you.

You have to give yourself the gift of going out and exploring until you find them.

SUCCESS REMEDY 6: NEW FRIEND

Choose an activity or a meet up or a new activity… the key is CONSISTENCY. Take it from me who has lived in the Netherlands, Canada, Germany, Ireland, Austria for 6 months or longer in the past 7 years… you have got to keep turning up at the same places REGULARLY and saying YES to events and dates that you don’t necessarily want to go on but saying YES will lead to the next opportunity. And soon enough, you’ve got a regular Sunday sangria date or you’ll join a Tuesday morning business mastermind, or Thursday evening poetry gathering.

>>> Decide on one new activity/meet-up and start going regularly. And saying YES. Smiling helps too.

Take a moment to review each of these 6 success blocks below, and decide which one is shouting out an alarm of “Dude. That’s me right now!!!!)

Now, decide… which of these SUCCESS BLOCK REMEDIES will you action on this week?

Share your answer, experiences and insight in the comments!

Over and out,
Heidi

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Traditionally speaking, what is a trust fund?

A trust fund is a fund comprised of a variety of assets intended to provide benefits to an individual or organization. Once you place assets in the trust, they are no longer yours. They are under the care of a trustee. A trustee is a bank, attorney or other entity set up for this purpose.

Now, let’s look at creating a trust fund through a new optic, through a more personal, spiritual, earthly perspective…

Let’s first use

the definition of TRUST as
a firm belief in the reliability, truth, or ability of someone or something.

• Let’s say your beliefs about yourself, your life, your relationships, your wealth, your health, your family, your freedom, your creativity, your contribution and so on, are your ASSETS.
• Now placing your assests in the care of the trustee…

you are placing your beliefs in TRUST to the greater good, to God/Source/Universe, to benefit of you and of all.

• Now your beliefs are under care of a higher power, the universe/god. This is your TRUST FUND.

Let’s now build up your own trust fund.

Know what you believe,
Live by what you believe.

When you want to live a very good life… the only person who is stopping you from living a miraculous, magnificent, abundant life is you.

That’s not to say, you can just say you want it and it’s yours… you have to BELIEVE it, as well as pursue a good life through action.

You have to believe it so much that you breathe it, that you action it and you withstand the tests of your faith.

So really the first question is how good of a life do you want to live?

Are you cool to settle with mediocre or being told what to do and where you fit in… or do you want to really figure out how to push through limitations into limitlessness?

There’s a modus operandi that your soul intended you to live when it dived into your mama’s womb, and if you’re not living from this place (it begins within you, not outside of you), then you are going to feel lost in chaos.

Living your best life means doing the things (taking action) that are BEST FOR YOU.

Only you can decide what’s best for you.

That’s one of the trickiest parts of this life… no one is going to write you a permission slip, no one is going to tell you what it is, where it is or when it is… people like me can help you overcome your limitations, heal your wounds and look to astrological placements for patterns and purpose, but only YOU can change your life. Only you can live your life. Only you can guide yourself, heal yourself and root yourself into your power centre.

You will be challenged, you will be victorious, you will fall, you will get up, you will soar… over and over again.

All the time, increasing your trust fund.

Trust with all of your heart that blessings will come and keep coming to you.

Through the triumphs and trials of living your best life, you will learn how to TRUST YOURSELF more and more.

Trust yourself that

1. when you show up for yourself or for another, the right people/opportunities/money/relationships show up to take you to where you need to be.
2. when you choose love, the right support answers, guidance appear.
3. when you choose yourself, you can only get it right.
4. you believe that the best has happened even though it doesn’t look how you thought it would, or it’s not transpiring how you thought you wanted it/ thought it was the best/only way to happen. Trust.
5. you can heal. Trust to see your body as your greatest teacher, where you are enrolled in night classes until you pass.
6. you can grow through both bliss and adversity.
7. you can let go. You can release the need to control.
8. you can forgive. You are condoning the other’s action, but you can release yourself from the situation by forgiving yourself, and through forgiving yourself, by extension, you have forgiven them.
9. your past can’t measure you when you keep growing.
10. you are perfect in this moment and in each moment, perfectly imperfect, doing the best you can, being you exactly who you are.

When you build up your trust fund and you have an infinite resource rooted in the infinite universal supply. You are have surrendered to a higher power.

All that you believe in, all that you know to be true for you is now being held for you for your benefit and the benefit of all.

***

Let life be more organic & a little more wild…

Over and out,
Heidi

Image source: Kristopher Allen, https://unsplash.com/photos/uT0PkbAM8kg

The post 10 ways to BUILD A TRUST fund… NOT a traditional trust fund. appeared first on Heidi Lidholm | Be More You. Grow Through Every Challenge..